Yeah that's right folks I'm feelin' stinky, feelin' down. I keep thinking I hope it's temporary, maybe tomorrow will be better, maybe next week and now it's been nearly a month. Work has been hard, worse than ever. I have 20 students in my classroom of kids under five and six of them have never interacted with the world before. The parents say they're fine at home, "they sit in their chair and watch their tablet." Great, just great, well there are no tablets here and your child throws everything they touch across the room and bites anyone who tries to help her. I asked for help and they rearranged my classroom, now I don't know where my stuff is and surprise surprise that didn't work at all. The new teach next to me doesn't talk to me and then complains abut me to our new boss and our principal is nowhere to be found until I either call the union or I do something that she doesn't like. Never have I seen a school year like this and it's only just begun.

I'm looking for a new job. I officially no longer feel like a sell-out, but rather a teacher crawling out of a crumbling building. Look, I tried my best for five years. Plan D is to transfer to another school where I would not be the grade level lead, because Jesus I'm only 25. Did I mention that this year there's no curriculum?! Some grades got a curriculum the day before school started and some never did. It's hard to watch the school district fumble this so hard and yet it's there own damn fault they're to busy kissing each other's assholes at the district office. Leads and coordinators who haven't seen the inside of a classroom in 20 years. They have no concepts of research proven practices, they make decisions based on which sales man crawls the furthest into their behinds. Because everything in education; curriculum, materials, literacy instruction, teacher training, test scores, new superintendents are bought and sold, it's a multi million dollar industry. And with each new purchase new rules, new deadlines, heavier workload, it all falls on the teachers first and then the students immediately afterwards.

Now I have dreams where it's next year, new school year, and I'm still working there. I really want to go to grad school again, I need a break from working all together. I want to pick somewhere beautiful, take out enough loans to be in debt for three more life times, study hard and work part time at a coffee shop. I don't even care that much abut what I do next, just let me get into it. I'll be the best psychologist, museum educator, artist, scientist, whatever I'll apply to anything. My only barrier is that this job sucks the life life out of me, I can barely type at the end of the day, let alone write a million personal essays.

Things I'm grateful for:

Coffee

NEW tiny phone

Roommate that rocks and does the dishes

Boyfriend

Friends

Apples

Fall trees

"grit"